Poor communication, rigidity, and social influences can lead to a decline in the quality of a couple's sex life. It can raise suspicions of cheating, cheating, feelings of inadequacy, and low libido.
Subsequently, this leads to feelings of anger, resentment, entitlement, and loneliness in a relationship according to Kate Balestrieri, a Licensed Psychologist, Certified Sex Therapist, and Certified Sex Addiction Therapist.
1. Initiating physical intimacy for your benefit
A TikTok user and sexual wellness advocate @crocodilecamm shared a video that went viral with over five million views saying "a lot of women aren't having sex with their male partners because the ONLY time they're giving us physical intimacy, it's with an end goal in mind. Responding, in the beginning, feels like signing a contract to the end."
The video triggered responses affirming that this is an experience a number of women are familiar with. This is especially true in long-term relationships.
"Though there was always respect, boundaries, and consent, after nearly a decade in a relationship, it was clear that the only time meaningful physical intimacy was offered, it was with an end goal in mind," she said.
2. Shunning her expressions of intimacy
You think activities such as touch, kissing and cuddling are feminine and therefore don't apply to you. You also treat them as invitations to initiate sex.
"The regular media we see that highlights men almost always have the messaging that all they want is sex, and nothing more. Then, in contrast, we have women who are taught to enjoy the softer sides of intimacy like touch, kisses, and cuddles."
"The moment those activities are deemed as feminine, they no longer fit into the life of a man who prioritizes the ideals of patriarchal masculinity. I personally believe that if men aren’t actively unlearning this sort of patriarchal masculinity, it’s no wonder they're always focused on sex over gentle intimacy," she added.
3. Neglecting or assuming about her body language
You either treats an unenthusiastic response as a personal attack or an invitation to 'convince' her to have sex.
"Men who are looking to sexually and/or emotionally connect with their partner may feel want for an enthusiastic response, and may not understand that their approach and lack of other touch are signaling either a lack of mutuality or a lack of interest in their partner as a whole person. Women on this side of the dynamic often feel unimportant, disrespected, used, and like their sexual and emotional experience is only engaged with in service of their partner’s pleasure or needs," Balestrieri says.
4. Thinking a relationship is a ticket to endless sex
Women tend to seek emotional connection before committing or in order to commit. Once the relationship is established that emotional connection is disregarded and not nurtured since 'she already has you'. However, this is almost never the case when it comes to sex. In fact, all her actions to initiate emotional connection almost always turn to sex. This can lead to feelings of entitlement and resentment from both parties.
5. Refusal to address sexual values and differences
Some men will resort to manipulation, avoidance, coercion, and other egotistic strategies to avoid criticism and change. Communicating individual preferences can lead to deeper emotional connection and a better sex life because each is important to both partners. It can also lead to the discovery of incompatibility which can save both people emotional pain.
"It is imperative that couples talk about the importance of non-sexual touch, and consider that it may mean different things to each partner, and that each partner may have different needs around frequency and the kind of touch desired, as well as vulnerabilities around initiating or receiving non-sexual physical touch and intimacy. Where there are discrepancies, there is room for a collaborative solution," she said.
Takeaway
It is important to remember that these differences are a result of conditioning. Men seek sex for emotional connection while women seek emotional connection before sex. Men seek to sustain their identity by avoiding feminine actions, women need feminine activities to bond. It is simply a social dilemma.
This is why communication is very important with the person you are dating.