Glimmers are micro-moments that begin to shape our system in very gentle ways. They are not the great, big, expansive experiences of joy or safety or connection. Unlike triggers (to a person, place, thing, or situation that elicits an intense or unexpected emotional response) which are mostly out of our control, glimmers require us to be intentional in bringing them into our lives.
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The term was coined by Deb Dana, a licensed clinical social worker who specializes in complex trauma, in her 2018 book "The Polyvagal Theory in Therapy".
The concept has taken hold, especially on TikTok, with people expressing appreciation for the idea of embracing glimmers.
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So, how can you find your glimmers?
In order to find your glimmers, you have to, to a certain degree, intentionally look for your joy, ease, relaxation, safety, connection and happiness. The things that make you feel like everything is okay in the world.
Glimmers can be found in different places and senses such as;
- In nature, admiring your garden or seeing the stars in the sky.
- Noticing a stranger's smile or the warmth of a loved one's voice.
- Feeling comforted by pets.
- Unexpected church bells or your favourite song playing on the radio.
"You feel something happen inside," Dana says. "There's an energy that happens around a glimmer, and then your brain marks it as well."
On the other hand, you can stay away from the things and people that feel unsafe, or stressful, that make you feel anxious or out of touch.
This is especially true because our brains have a natural tendency to look for the bad, says Amy Morin, a licensed clinical social worker and editor-in-chief of Verywell Mind.
"Being on the lookout for danger can help us stay physically safe," she says. "But since we are no longer lurking in the forest hiding from hungry animals, we don't need to focus on the negative quite so much to stay physically safe."
The concept of glimmers is that recognizing small, positive moments over and over can begin to shape our system. This shift to recognizing the bright side can have a beneficial impact on our minds and health.
"It's really good for us to have a break from our uncomfortable emotions sometimes," Morin says. "A little joy and some relaxation can reduce your emotional distress."
And when your emotions go down, your logic goes up, she adds.
"That means you might be able to tackle a problem from a different angle because you see things a little differently," she says. "Or you might be able to talk yourself into doing something difficult, once your anxiety subsides a little. Less emotional distress can also help you take more positive action. And that positive action can help make your life better."
How to embrace glimmers
"What we've discovered is as you begin to see a glimmer, you begin to look for more," says Dana. "It's just what we do... and we then delight in finding them. That's your nervous system beginning to shape toward the patterns of connection that are inherently waiting in there to be deepened and brought alive."
Set a "glimmer intention." You may decide "I'm going to look for one glimmer before lunch."
You can also keep a glimmer journal to write down what you discovered and reflect at the end of the day.
And because we're wired for connection, if there's someone else in your life who wants to go on a "glimmer journey" with you, you can share your glimmers with them, which brings them alive.
Allow yourself to fully embrace feel-good emotions.
"Sometimes, people don't want to feel them because they know those emotions won't last, or they might feel guilty for feeling good during a hard time in their lives," says Dana. "But trust that it's OK to allow yourself to experience them. Enjoy them while they last. And know that you'll have more moments of joy in the future as well."