The complex answer to the question is that sex does not devalue a woman but it can devalue a woman. However, before you cut my head off, kindly read on.
The society expects chastity from women, even if it is unreasonable.
Does casual sex devalue women ? {Refinery29}
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Plus, there is casual sex and sex with your lover. Surely, sex with your lover cannot devalue you but problems arise when it is casual sex or sex with someone you are not committed to.
People can humiliate you if you let them and that is a fact. If you regard yourself highly, do not swim with pigs. Do not cast pearls to swine.
The devaluation does not come from the act of sex but from the person she sleeps with. So, even though sex is a harmless tool of pleasure, men (and even women) can be vicious and wicked.
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An easy example is a man who takes unsolicited pictures and videos of a woman and shares it online or who sends her out of his house by 4am or who hides his relationship from her and deceives her or who she felt she had a real connection with but never calls or talks to her again after a night of sex.
Besides obvious acts of wickedness, every shame women have regarding their sexual history and past stems directly from how men will see and regard them. Honestly, it is men who should be ashamed when they treat women badly because they had sex with them.
Even more than the shame, wanting love and commitment from a man who simply wants sex can be demeaning because he only sees you as a sex object and having sex with him will not make him love you, so respect yourself and let him go.
Also, women can feel devalued if they are struggling with guilt, perhaps for religious reasons.
On the other hand, the simple answer any logical person would give is no, sex doesn’t devalue her. The main reason is one’s value is intrinsic and not conferred and so pleasure between consenting adults should not devalue just one of them.
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The reality
Women are used, discarded and regarded based on their perceived sexual liberalism, expertise or ignorance, so they have to be wise.
As I continue to write, you would see that the issue in all of these is men, what they think, and how they perceive women and that’s the issue with the patriarchy.
Men want baddies that are saintly. They want you to be well experienced sexually but not one who has slept with the entire state.
Anytime the body count or sexual history topic is brought up, the major culprit are women. If a man knows that a woman was a prostitute or she slept with one, two or three of his friends or acquaintances and has a wild past, he is unlikely to court her because he won’t trust her.
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Women have some options
1. Only give the goodies to a man who values, respects and is committed to them
This is so ideal, but there is a problem where women are not regarding sex as an activity to enjoy but as something to give. If you are waiting for Mr Right, be sure to have a healthy view of sex and enjoy yourself when you do have sex.
However, what happens when the man you thought highly of disregards you or hurts you, then you feel like you have been devalued.
If you go with this route, only have sex after marriage. That way, you are locked in a lifelong reciprocal commitment with someone you love and won’t leave you, hopefully.
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2. Decide to have sex with whoever you want and damn the consequences
Brand yourself as a slut, post nude and semi-nudes on the internet, and let everyone know that you are in charge of your sexual destiny. You choose who you want to have sex with, you enjoy sex and you don’t care what people think. In short, add monetary value to your sexual expertise, talk about soft girl lifestyle and how you hate stingy men.
Of course, the obvious issue is STDS, but the more painful one is when your heart begins to crave something deeper and meaningful. Will you find someone who takes you seriously, who loves you and won’t care about your seemingly sordid past? Life is not a movie, but you still might, so you go, girl!
3. Stop attaching your worth to sex
But the silent third option is to regard yourself highly, choose wisely who you want to be intimate with, and take charge of your sexual pleasure. When you have a one-night stand, friends with benefits or any casual sex arrangement, see it as a merely physical act, do not attached to your worth and do not seek love and commitment from such arrangements.
