Tyson versus Anthony Akol, who wins?

Sure, Tyson was once the undisputed heavyweight boxing champion of the world. In the mid-to-late 1980s, Tyson’s uppercuts were like power cuts in the way they switched off the lights in his opponents’ as they went crashing to the canvas.

But in 2024, Tyson proved that the only fight he still had left in him was to temporarily overcome a bleeding stomach ulcer and acute sciatica just before the bout with Jake Paul.

This leads us to the question; can our local Tyson, who is known as Hon. Anthony Akol, defeat the real Tyson?

Akol, the Member of Parliament for Kilak North, has just come off a two-fight winning spree. He has pummeled two of his fellow MPs, former Aruu County MP Samuel Ondoga Otto and Mityana Municipality MP Francis Zaake.

Anthony Akol pulse uganda

Akol is known for his vicious left hook, which makes him a southpaw. His left fist is so hazardous that each of its digits is registered as a weapon of mass destruction.

Two years ago, Tyson was in such pain that he had to be pushed around in a wheelchair.

He then suddenly instructed his handlers to get him out of the wheelchair because Akol is believed to like devouring meals on wheels. And, this May, Tyson threw up so much blood on a flight that MP Akol was rumoured to be on.

Tyson’s fight against Jake Paul, the man with two forenames, had been reduced to eight rounds, lasting just two minutes each. Paul received the unanimous verdict by two scores of 79-73 and a shutout 80-72.

These lopsided points will get even worse for Tyson if he faces MP Akol, since the Ugandan Electoral Commission is interested in adjudicating their possible bout. If that happens, they will both lose. Since our Commission only knows how to declare President Museveni the winner.

How the fight will go

Akol is likely to go storming out of the blue corner with deadly intent and hit Tyson with the Parliamentary podium before throwing Speaker Anita Among’s ceremonial wig at Tyson.

Iron Mike, as he will never be called again, will likely duck before rising with a clipping left and a glancing right. Akol, a self-described elephant, will rise above Tyson’s swinging blows instead of ducking them.

This might appear like phantasy, but it is more like Ele-phantasy. Let’s get it right, like Akol’s sharp left to Tyson’s cranium. Kabam!

Tyson’s trademark ferocity is thereby vitiated by how MP Akol has closed the distance between him and the back-peddling ex-champ.

Then, suddenly, the former world champion disgorges a stream of left hands. His telegraphed blows are like a news roundup, as they roundup the first round with the news of Tyson having lost it, narrowly.

When the second round begins, however, MP Akol is seen outside the ring punching MP Zaake. The referee demands that he gets back into the ring to which MP Akol answers, “I am not Jake Paul.”

The audience is surprised; they thought MP Akol would trample all over Tyson. Instead, he prefers to remind everybody that he is not white and certainly does not have a fade for a hairdo. As a fighter, he admits, he prefers Jeet Kune Do to hairdo.

This is all the encouragement Tyson required. He leaps out of the ring and proceeds to chase MP Akol all over Namboole Stadium. The crowd goes wild. Then, after ten minutes, a panting Tyson catches up with MP Akol.

He then throws a stiff jab, which lands on the long-suffering Zaake and knocks out Ondoga Otto!