A Bishop from Rwanda by the name of Mukanziga Brigitte has received backlash after she advised couples to regularly watch pornography together. The Bishop, who heads the Power of God Church, was quoted saying that couples can get inspiration from porn to get new sex positions which can in turn strengthen marriage.
She also said couples should use whatever means necessary to this end.
"Have small TV in your room... the internet is available...if you have no smartphone, borrow from a neighbour," she said according to The Chronicles RW.
The controversial message left some believers disturbed while others seemed to be okay with it. However, even well-meaning messages can be abused especially those from influential figures in society.
So we have done some digging around the topic of couples watching porn together and this is what we have found.
If you ask individuals about porn, chances are many have caught a glimpse of it at some point. However, if you ask couples, the answer might be different.
One study published in Frontiers in Psychology indicated that watching porn with a partner created better relationship function and satisfaction in and out of the bedroom. However, this only worked when both partners were involved. When it was only one partner, the relationship suffered.
Another study by Bespoke Surgical revealed that 76 percent of Americans feel comfortable watching porn with a partner.
However, cultural and traditional differences may affect those numbers greatly from county to country.
Here are five things you should know before engaging in porn-watching with your significant other.
You have to be on the same page
Porn can be a useful tool in a relationship only if both partners are in agreement on the matter. You may be into the idea but if your partner isn't you have to be willing to take no for an answer. You have to be understanding about why they aren't interested and cater to their feelings about it.
Be respectful and let your partner know that you respect their stance.
Ease into it
If you establish that you are on the same page to watch porn, take your time to actually do it. Simply because you agree doesn't mean you are ready right away to dive in. You can start with mainstream movies with steamy sex scenes or read research about it and share your thoughts.
You could set a time limit or watch it in the context of your relationship routines or dynamics.
This way you can find what you are comfortable with and explore more easily.
Right timing
If you are going to bring up the topic of watching porn together, get the timing right. You should be able to read your partner, yourself, and your circumstances to get the right moment. Avoid bringing it up when your partner is busy, stressed, or tired. Don't bring it up during intimate moments between you two which may send the wrong message to your partner.
Know your "why"
You shouldn't engage in pron because your leader has told you to. You have to know why you want to do it. Is it for inspiration, adventure, new sex positions, or learning what turns your partner on? Be clear about your reasons in the first conversation with your partner to avoid misunderstandings.
Communication is key
Keep lines of communication open to guide each other through it. Be ready to answer questions, research, and share thoughts and feelings that come up. Discussions don't stop after you watch porn together. Do follow-up check-ins after the fact to make sure it is a positive experience.
Set boundaries
If there are fears, hesitation, or concerns, address them and set boundaries to handle them. You may also need to set boundaries during the experience and after as new thoughts and feelings rise.
Discuss expectations, dynamics, forms of porn, and platforms you are comfortable with.
Here are some questions to ask before advancing.
- Where and when will you watch porn together?
- How much time will you spend watching porn?
- Do you agree that this is private and confidential?
- How do you feel if the other person watches porn without you?
- Which categories of porn are you both interested in watching?
- Which categories are off-limits?