Dos and don'ts when a friend is feeling down

Often when someone approaches us in such a state, our reflex is to try and make them feel better by suggesting things they can do or talking over their mood, or some other way that we think can help. But let's focus away from what you can do and on what the other person needs.

Being bombarded with suggestions and solutions can be less than helpful in this situation. For one, the person may feel forced to agree to whatever you tell them even when they don't want to. 

Sometimes a person just needs to feel sad without worrying about "not being okay"! It's unconventional and not desirable, but being sad for a while is not that bad. After all, you did not choose to be there, the best thing is to wait it out like a storm.

However, if the low mood goes on longer than normal, you may want to recommend professional help for that person.

Here's how you can support someone having "one of those days".

Do's

Letting the person know that their feelings are valid and offering support is a great way to walk with them through the lows.

If you are not sure who to talk to, here are some tips to help you figure it out

1. You are not alone in this
2. You are important to me
3. Do you want a hug? Do you want me to stay with you?
4. You are not going crazy
5. When these feelings subside. I'll still be here and so will you
6. I can't really understand what you are feeling but I am here 
7. I am not going to leave you or abandon you
8. I am sorry you are in so much pain. I am going to take care of myself so that you don't need to worry that your pain might hurt me.

Don'ts

Don't make the person feel worse or regret coming to you. Or worse, make them feel ashamed, guilty, or regret feeling sad. And definitely don't make it about you. To do this, avoid the statements below. 

If you are not available for them at the moment, tell them so.

1. What have you got to be sad about? There are many who are worse off than you.
2. No one ever said that life is fair
3. Stop feeling sorry for yourself
4. So if you are depressed then aren't you always?
5. Snap out of it
6. It's your own fault
7. Believe me. I know how you feel. I was depressed for a week after (insert what happened to you).
8. Your moods are bringing everyone down with you
9. Go out and socialize it will go away
10. Have you tried (insert remedy)?