Turning down sexual advances from your partner can include saying no to sex in general, declining certain activities, and preferring certain acts to others.
When you are not in the mood, saying no to sex should be as simple as just saying no. But in reality, you might feel pressured, guilty, manipulated, or coerced when you say no.
Under such negative reactions from your partner, know that you deserve to have your boundaries respected. Even more so when someone tries to cross them. Remember, you are saying no to sex not to the person and they should know that.
Nevertheless, saying “no” can be hard, especially if you haven’t thought about how to say it before you need to.
Here are some tips for turning him or her down
“No” is such a simple word. But saying no can be hard when you’re saying it to someone you care about. Here are some tips on turning down sex:
Be confident and know what you want
Communicate your feelings at the moment while being mindful of why you don't want to engage.
Say “no.”
Utter the word and don't try to beat around the bush about your decline. You don’t owe anyone, even someone you love, an explanation for why you don’t want to do what they want you to do. You can explain if you want, but you don’t have to.
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Tell them what you want to do
You could be open to other acts of intimacy such as kissing, touching, watching a movie together, etc.
Be clear and direct
Look them in the eyes and use a serious tone of voice. It doesn't have to be cold though, stay kind and caring. You can also let them know that you really do like or love them but are not up for sexual intimacy.
Chances are your partner will respect your boundaries and change course. However, in the event that he or she reacts negatively, stick to your boundaries and let them deal with it and cool off. However, negative reactions are never a good sign and need serious addressing.