What to do when someone calls instead of texting

Gone are the days of calling a friend to simply talk for hours. We spend time sharing photos and messages and feel connected that way.

So when someone calls it bursts our bubble. Suddenly you have to talk without much time to think and feel self-conscious about your voice, among other sensations.

You'd think that with how connected we are we should be happier and more social. The opposite, however, is true.

We are experiencing an increase in feelings of loneliness and ironically, phone calls make them worse. Don't let social media make you lose your voice.

Perhaps a new way of approaching phone calls can motivate us to make or take them more often and return the desire for lengthy rewarding conversations.

How to have meaningful phone calls

Choose to make a call

If you're always texting people and rarely make calls, phone calls can feel invasive or alarming.

Start initiating calls once in a while for the purpose of talking to someone. If it is your choice you can feel in control and ease into it.

If you are anxious about a phone call, let it go unanswered and then call the person back.

Decide your preference, voice call or video call

Some people need facial expressions like smiles, laughter, and cues to feel comfortable with calls while others prefer voice.

With video calls, you don't have to have the camera stuck to your face. You can talk while doing other things but you will feel more engaged.

With voice calls, multi-tasking can be distracting.

Decide if you want a surprise call or a planned call

Depending on your level of comfort with the person or with yourself in a situation, have an approach.

A surprise call may be welcome or not, but that depends on the other person and what they are doing.

You can reschedule if they are unavailable, don't let this deter you from making the call or regret making it in the first place.

If it is a planned call, send a text asking if they are free to talk. If they are not, you can schedule a convenient time for you both.

Either way, it might be a pleasant surprise and they may be just as excited to talk!

What to talk about

You may be inspired to make the call, or simply have spontaneous ideas for conversation. Other times, and for some people, you may prefer to note some ideas down for the talk. This preparation can calm nerves, eliminate awkward silences and help you give the call direction.

Don't focus on the talk

If you simply want to make a social connection rather than make the talk the focus, make a video call while doing something. You could be playing video games, cooking, folding clothes, etc.

The activity will govern the talk and take some pressure off what to talk about.

Also, instead of making plans over text, make the plans over a call.

Start simple

If you are feeling overwhelmed, think about the other person and how they might feel the same. To make it easier for you both, start with simple things. Make shorter phone calls, and use different call services that influence the setting of the call.